Why I don't watch TV

I had a couple of beers after dinner and was feelin a little lazy so I decided to watch TV and was mortified by what was on. I must preface this story by saying that I turned on the TV without the remote and did not know where the remote was during this torture session. I sat back and was able to watch the class act known as "Entertainment Tonight". The narrator had a very serious tone while commenting on the days pressing topics. "Did Britney order a Chai Latte with Soy Milk"???? Does Angelina paint her toe nails with chocolate sauce???? Why Michael Jackson likes Orange Life Savers more than Cherry!!!!!. Are they serious??? I thought to myself for a minute and realized.. If they are reporting this stuff then there must be people out there(Yes. I pre judged those folks that must follow this show) who actually want to know this useless info. I was about to get up and either look for the remote or change channels at the cable box when I was jolted out of my seat. " BREAKING NEWS..... Just Breaking Now!!!! Miley Cyrus is going to serve snow cones at her B-Day party!!!! Oh no she di'int!!!!!