Thursday, August 30, 2007

I feel icky

Despite the frequent use of cucumber melon scented hand sanitizer and plenty of orange juice I am now sick! While I do not enjoy the chronic cough, body ache or fever the real victim here is my other half. He is quite the nurturing type when I am not feeling well and I am the psycho bitch patient from hell. I really do feel that slushy frozen Gatorade, my couch, and watching 6 hours of tennis thanks to USA networks coverage of the US Open will make me all better. I definitely prefer this to my grandmothers cure which is a warm enema and Vicks rubbed all over your chest. Ewww. I think I met a guy on the internet once that wanted me to do that to him. Maybe Grannie was ahead of her time. You go girl!

Monday, August 27, 2007

I'm running out of family members and injuries

I really don't want to work anymore. I have to put on my game face for the rest of the month. My reasons are as follows... A: If I stay at home the next month until I start my new job I will go insane. My loving hubby has finally realized that the laundry fairy doesn't exist and is actually being quite helpful with the household chores so that eliminates what I would normally waste my time on. B: I will develop some sort of painful scab due to over masturbation(free time=porn). C: I have lost every member of my extended family and have broken every bone in my body over the last year(who knew that bereavment leave and short term disability was so easily dispensed). I can't call in anymore. Alas...I will just march right in there and sell mortgages like the gay loan officer that I am. Wish me luck!

Wednesday, August 22, 2007

And I'm taking my stapler with me

My friend Dalton was in town and we had great time. He was only here for one day so we didn't get into too much trouble, however we did try a new restaurant and shoot some darts while enjoying a frosty beverage or two.

I mentioned previously that I am in the mortgage industry and this seems to be the worst place to be employed right now. My company laid off 80 people on Monday, but yours truly made the final cut and remain gainfully employed. The opportunity that I have with another company looks very promising(I have offered sexual favors to the director of operations)and I should find out if I am selected within a few weeks. If this job falls throught then I will be working Harry Hines by months end. I hope those bastards at work know that if I am laid off I will make a scene. I will throw files, push over my computer monitor and be real dramatic on my way out. And I am taking my stapler with me(Its real nice and never jams)!

Saturday, August 18, 2007

Allow me to go all Siskel and Ebert on your Ass

I saw what has to be one of the funniest movies ever last night. I highly recommend Death at a Funeral to everyone. It seems difficult to fully develop a character in 90 minutes and yet you feel like you know these people 10 minutes into the show. A highly dysfunctional British family loses their father, who had been having an affair with a little gay manipulative elf(seriously. we are talking lollipop guild). There is subtle comedy and in your face one liners that are hysterical.

After the movie we went to play pool and darts which I SPANKED daddy at(sorry honey). Once the beatdown was over, someone decided that Buffalo Wild Wings was a god idea so off we went. The place was busy and the service was good. I didn't eat, but pawpaw said the wings were good. The floor in the dining room is the type of floor that will reach up and grab your foot and make you do that stutter step half trip move. I hoped that no one saw my nearly disastrous fall but the damn hostess was staring at me and asked if I was OK when I walked by. Oh well.

We are off to go Hatch Green Chile shopping.!!!

Wednesday, August 15, 2007

Beware of Drunk Co-workers

After a very tumultuous day at work in which we had 2 meetings to explain two dramatic policy changes my group and I decided that we would meet at Twin Peaks(No.. not the TV Show..I am talking cheap Hooters wannabees)for drinks. My manager was included in the little party and she can't really hold her liquor. After 2 or 3 Red Bull and Vodkas she was explaining to me the girls at work that she suspects are lesbians and her general dislike of certain co-workers. The place is actually kind of fun and we had a cute waitress with large breasteses. After having a few frosty beverages I think I actually had a crush on one of the waitresses (and by waitress... I mean the burly daddy types sitting in the corner). Needless to say we all were operating a half speed today.

The weekend is almost here and I am excited that my BFF Dalton is coming in for a visit. I guess he is trying to escape the BUGS.,1,7640210.story?coll=chi_tab01_layout

Saturday, August 11, 2007


The first year I moved to Texas it was a mild summer with lots of rain and everything was beautiful. Then the next 3 years were the drought years and it was hotter than hell all summer long. We have been very lucky this year as we had alot of rain and have almost erased the drought conditions around the state however the REAL Dallas summer has reared it ugly head. It is going to be over 100 degrees for the next week. The entire North Texas area is under a SEVERE SWAMP ASS ADVISORY and light colored pants or shorts are not recommended.

Wednesday, August 8, 2007

imagine a beautiful flower

I am awake waaaay too early

I woke up at 5:30am when the hubby left for work. I am in no way a morning person so this is quite a new experience. What did I decide to do with all my extra time this morning? You are correct.... I did get right on the computer to look at porn.

I am really thinking about making a career change as the mortgage industry has become extremely volatile lately. Several major companies have shut their doors in the last few months and we have seen sweeping changes at my own company so confidence is not at an all time high right now.I have a telephone interview later today so y'all wish me luck. The company is in the financial services industry which is the field I have been in for the last 4 years so not a major change. The division of this company that I am hoping to work in is run by my best friend from Chicago(loser baseball team and huge rats) so there is hesitation on my part to even apply. I am sure we can maintain a strictly business relationship and everything will be just fine(yeah sponsored parties and strippers every night)

Monday, August 6, 2007


I decided to make a quick entry before heading of to La La Land. The hubbie and I went to see The Bourne Ultimatum this evening and I will have to give it a C. There was a chance for the movie to earn a B if there had been one Matt Damon shirtless scene in the whole damn movie, but no. I did realize how loud someone can be trying to fish the last few kernels of popcorn out of their nearly empty jumbo size popcorn bag(good grief..finish the damn popcorn already).

Friday, August 3, 2007

Weekly Wrap Up

Wow. Can it be that I am already burnt out after only 3 posts. Never! Ok so this week has had drama in many ways. I called in on Monday(too tired), worked Tuesday(hated it), went out for drinks with co-workers on Wednesday(loved it, and kicked ass at darts), called in on Thursday(waaay too tired) and now its finally Friday(what a long week...poor me). I was informed at 2PM that volunteers were needed to work tomorrow. I galdly(kicking and screaming) offered up my services(NO..not THOSE services) and promptly left for the day. If those bitches expect me to work on Saturday then I needed to get my drink on ASAP. The Hall of Fame game is this Sunday so its almost that time of year again. Did I mention that I love football? I will need my rest this upcoming week as my friend(you remember..the one that divorced me for deep dish pizza and gross hot dogs) will be back next weekend. OK, I promise not to go for a whole week without a post ever again.