Sunday, December 30, 2007

2008??? Are you kidding me?

It still sounds strange to say the words...Two thousand and eight. What happened to the flying cars and the Jetsons style houses? Oh well!

As the new year approaches I must say that I am happy, healthy and have few complaints. I am sure there will be some rough patches but as the years go by I realize that these once catastrophic events that happen are really just minor bumps in the road in the grand scheme of things. To anyone who reads this I wish you a very Happy, Healthy and Prosperous 2008!

Monday, December 17, 2007

Is it true? Am I really ready for Christmas?

The answer is a resounding YES. I have purchased gifts, decorated the house and the office, and have reservations made for Christmas Brunch. Most years on Dec. 17th you will find me saying" I really need to go shopping and start getting ready for Christmas", but not this year. Am I finally maturing and being more responsible? Is this the first step in my 12 Step Program on How Not To Be such a Procrastinator? Not so much! I was bored at work last week so I did a little shopping on line and I received some coupons from Macys that expired on the 16th so I had a deadline to meet. I still feel very relieved that all is in order and now I can relax and be merry no matter what my motivation was.

Sunday, December 9, 2007

Tuesday, December 4, 2007


Regular Season College Football is Over- Boo!

Auburn is going to the Chik.fil.A Bowl- BOO!!!! We'll get em next year. Best of luck to the OTHER Tigers in the National Championship.

Work is finally becoming more like work-YEAH I am actually having to go into the office and yell at people... Just kidding...

Buddy is losing his baby teeth- Woo Hoo... No more scratches when we wrestle.

Hubby is losing his Adult Teeth- YEAH. I wont have to yell "no teeth" when he is... You know... Just kidding!!!! Love ya babe!

Christmas is almost here- I Love me some Christmas time.

Monday, November 26, 2007

Holiday Weekend Wrap Up

Thanksgiving was wonderful. We hosted my sister and several close friends and feasted on a tasty turkey with delicious sides and plenty of wine. The rest of the weekend was fairly uneventful. We went to a couple of stores on Friday and then up to a casino in OK on Saturday. I won a little bit of money however it wasn't enough to cover the losses endured by my loving hubbby, but we had lots of fun anyway. I hope all went well for everyone and now it's time to start getting ready for Christmas.

Tuesday, November 20, 2007

Happy Turkey Day

I love Thanksgiving. Food, Wine and Football are three of my favorite things. I will be spending the day with the hubby and my sister and I can't wait. I miss waking up at 6AM with mama and starting the day by preparing the Turkey and waiting for the whole family to come over for the day, however It's been 5 years since we were home for Turkey day and I am starting to enjoy my new ritual of waking up at 10am and being lazy until lunch is served!

Monday, November 12, 2007

Beware of old men taking Shadoobies

So I walk out the front door of the Condo to take Buddy for a walk and I hear the grunts of some old man who is in the grassy area near my front door. Were my eyes playing tricks on me? There is no way I just witnessed someone having a bowel movement in my front yard was there? I did what any butch manly man would do and I screamed like Mariah Carey and ran in. I asked daddy Tom to go investigate and upon further inspection there was indeed a very large Shadoobie in the lawn area. Why me? Have I shit on people in my life and this is their cumulative revenge? We decided to call the Police just in case this was someone with Alzheimers who was simply lost and in need of a good shit and then we called the Homeowners Association to have the dung removed. I pick up enough with Buddy and was not going to pick up the old guys poo.Eeeewwww!

Monday, November 5, 2007

Glad to be home

We are back bitches! Chicago was a very nice getaway. We arrived on Wednesday, took a nap, went to the Halloween Parade, took a nap, watched my sista play darts, took a nap. This was the first time I actually relaxed and got some rest while on vacation and I loved it. Our dear friends(who made us walk to O'Hare from Lincoln Square) were quite the host and hostess( You know which one is which). We had fun meeting their new Chi Town friends and will probably be local gossip for a week or so. Apparently one of the locals took a shine to the boys from Dallas and he has a history of telling all of the gayborhood of his "out of towner" conquests. As if.... He looked like Danny De Vito and Rosie O Donnells love child! I picked up a freshly coiffed and 2 inches taller wonder pup today and now it is back to domestic bliss with my two men(the hubby and the puppy. Perverted much?)

Sunday, October 28, 2007

We are off to see the Wizard

Two more days…. I just need to make it two more days and then it’s off to Chi town. Yes I am taking a vacation after being on the job for 1 month. Jealous??? I am nervous about boarding Buddy as this will be our first time away from each other. We will arrive just in time for the fabulous Halloween Parade on Halsted. I am sure there will be plenty of debauchery as well as some fab costumes. After that there will be a lot of relaxing and just kicking back (and by kicking back I mean hanging out in the back room of Touché).

Sunday, October 21, 2007

College Football Weekend

We had another weekend of many upsets in the top ten but the highlight of the weekend was the LSU vs Auburn game. My hubby the Auburn fanatic and our good friend the LSU psychofan had a great time talking trash all game long. Hubby was doing most of the trash talking until LSU threw essentially a hail mary pass with 6 seconds left and it was a catch in the end zone(BOO). It was a great game and we had a blast. We are off to the State Fair as this is the last day it will run so maybe they will be giving away some cool stuff. The other half likes to play the kiddie games and then do the dance of joy when he beats them. He does end up giving them the stuffed animal in the end, but not until he rubs their little noses in it that he fills up a balloon with water faster than anyone in the land!

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

Senorita Boozehound

I need help! My name is Joseph and I am an alcoholic!!!OK, so that is a bit extreme, however I have enjoyed waaay too many cocktails lately, but with good reason. My best friends from Chicago came in for a visit(if you can call someone that leaves you to move to Chicago to become a fountain girl at HoJos your best friend! OK So the job is a little better than that but still) and we celebrated their arrival with one or twelve drinks, darts and great karaoke. The next day was quite a chore and a glass of wine or seven really hit the spot. We then decided that to cure that hangover we would meet our other BFF who is currently selling her turquoise jewelry(and bad advice) on a sidewalk somewhere in New Mexico out for an hour or nine and catch up. All in all the week was eventful and fun and I can't wait to do it all again in a couple of weeks when me and my other half will board the giant penis shaped aircraft (shut up . you know a gay man designed the modern passenger plane. Look at one!) and head out to the windy(rat infested) city. Oprah better lock up Steadman cause here I come.

Sunday, September 30, 2007

Fried Latte

Welcome to the Land of all foods fried. Do you enjoy your morning Latte? Lets make it deep fried and it will be even better! I guess the latte flavor is infused into a batter which is deep fried which is really kind of odd but hey.. I love me a fried OREO once a year(Shut up... They are Snackwell Oreos..... Yeah right!! Give me a double stuffed fried in LARD please.) We resisted temptation to go to the State Fair as some friends of ours are coming for a work/visit next week(and by friends I mean the rude hookers that I dedicated half of my life to only to see them jump at the first carrot dangled in front of them by their employer) and we will probably go with them. The last week was fun as I am becoming settled into the new job. The hubbie and I decided to go play pool and darts on Saturday afternoon and the results were not pretty. I smacked that ass in POOL and left him with 5 balls on the table in one game. We then switched to darts and lets just say he didn't fair to much better. I hope all is well where you are.

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

My how time flies

I can't believe its been a week since my last post. I am gainfully employed after a 3 week hiatus. It is a change for me as I have not been in mgmt. in a few years(funny how my bossiness comes back so easily). I am enjoying the new gig very much and it has great opportunity for growth. The little guy is now the big guy and has grown at least two inches and 10 lbs since we got him. He has the Great Dane grace(poor buddy slips and slides all over the wood floors). He also has the Dane bark and ever since he learned to talk its been difficult getting him to shut up. I am excited to be taking a vacation to Chicago on Oct. 31st(I know...I just started a new job and already need a break. What a DIVA). The hubbie is happy as well with his new job and is now in charge of multiple restaurants instead of just one location. I would say that life is good(knock on wood..Not that kind of WOOD. pervs!)

Wednesday, September 19, 2007

Scooby Doo was raped

My two sisters bought me a large stuffed Scooby Doo dog about eight years ago for Christmas. I love me some Scooby. In a vain attempt to defer the attention of a rabid great dane puppy away from my foot I gave him this stuffed animal as a peace offering. Initially he was bored however later this evening I witnessed a sex crime being committed by the very rabid great dane that earlier was satisfied with biting my toes. We have wood floors so while trying to mount poor scooby, Buddy was slip sliding all over the place( He looked like my loving hubby on a Saturday morning when we have had a few too many drinks the night before. There I am on the edge of the bed ready for ecstacy but he just can't seem to get traction on those damn wood floors. Take your socks off honey and lets get to business!!! )My little Buddy is growing up soo fast. He is getting snipped this weekend!!. I am way to young to be a grandparent.

Friday, September 14, 2007

Thursday, September 13, 2007

The Eyes of Texas are upon me

It's official. I am a resident of the United State of Texas. Hook em Horns!!!!! The Eyes of Texas watch everything I do.(quit staring biatch!)

I moved to Dallas in May of 2002 and had recently renewed my NM drivers license so I decided to keep it(I can be super cheap and that damn thing cost me 25 bucks. Thats 5 cocktails!!!). This was ok until a few months ago when I stopped at the local liquor store to buy a bottle of wine and thanks to my boyishly handsome looks(SHUT UP DAVID. BITE YOUR FORKED TONGUE) I was asked for ID. I gladly handed them my NM license when I was rudely told that it was expired and no wine for me!!!(Mean lesbian!!!! Let me have my wine. I should have thrown a KD Lang Cd in the opposite direction and made a break for it) Today I decided to make a run down to my local DMV office(and by DMV office I mean third world country outhouse). I had to take the written test and the driving test. The whole ordeal was tragic but thanks to my sweet hubby who helped keep me calm I passed with flying colors(75% on the written and 79% on the driving. Jealous?????)

So after all that I am know an official resident of the glorious Republic of Texas. I am gonna wear my boots proud and do my hair up real BIG. I am gonna pile that stuff up just as close to jesus as I can.... (OK David thats "Jee*zus", not "Hay*Zuse")

I feel just like Ms. Ellie....

Monday, September 10, 2007

Saturday, September 8, 2007


The first week of parenthood has been a doozy. I decided it would be best to stay up as late as I possibly can so that buddy can go out one last time for the night(and by night I mean 2AM). As sleep begins to call I force myself to watch yet another informercial to try and stay awake. I now know that Mineral based make-up is better than the other stuff and the Tai-Bo guy is still alive and hawking his workout videos again. This schedule works well for us as my other half wakes up for work at 5 and there is but a short gap of time for the new baby to leave us a nice puddle or pile of morning goodness! Why am I writing about this you ask???? Lets just say that falling asleep at 3:am is not a good thing when my early bird husband feels the need to audition for "This Old House" at 5:am(at least we now have new moulding around the door..nice work honey). Thank goodness I have a 3 week break between jobs(I left the last one- thats a whole other post) and am able to catnap in the afternoon during my Soaps. I am gonna miss being a stay at home Mom.

Sunday, September 2, 2007

It's a boy

After many attempts to get pregnant we decided that adoption was a much better route. I don't do morning sickness and Tom didn't want to lose his figure. We are now the proud parents of a bouncing baby boy. He is a Great Dane/Giant Schnauzer mix and he is absolutely adorable. His name is Buddy Maldonado-Hill and he is 12 weeks old. I never knew just how gassy a new baby can be. I have a high level of tolerance to most smells as my other baby boy can be very flatulent as well(especially after Uncle Julios and a night at the bars), but this puppy can really clear a room.He was sleeping soundly today and his puppy gas actually woke him from his slumber. I am quite the proud parent and am off to go shopping for new baby toys. Petco here we come!

Thursday, August 30, 2007

I feel icky

Despite the frequent use of cucumber melon scented hand sanitizer and plenty of orange juice I am now sick! While I do not enjoy the chronic cough, body ache or fever the real victim here is my other half. He is quite the nurturing type when I am not feeling well and I am the psycho bitch patient from hell. I really do feel that slushy frozen Gatorade, my couch, and watching 6 hours of tennis thanks to USA networks coverage of the US Open will make me all better. I definitely prefer this to my grandmothers cure which is a warm enema and Vicks rubbed all over your chest. Ewww. I think I met a guy on the internet once that wanted me to do that to him. Maybe Grannie was ahead of her time. You go girl!

Monday, August 27, 2007

I'm running out of family members and injuries

I really don't want to work anymore. I have to put on my game face for the rest of the month. My reasons are as follows... A: If I stay at home the next month until I start my new job I will go insane. My loving hubby has finally realized that the laundry fairy doesn't exist and is actually being quite helpful with the household chores so that eliminates what I would normally waste my time on. B: I will develop some sort of painful scab due to over masturbation(free time=porn). C: I have lost every member of my extended family and have broken every bone in my body over the last year(who knew that bereavment leave and short term disability was so easily dispensed). I can't call in anymore. Alas...I will just march right in there and sell mortgages like the gay loan officer that I am. Wish me luck!

Wednesday, August 22, 2007

And I'm taking my stapler with me

My friend Dalton was in town and we had great time. He was only here for one day so we didn't get into too much trouble, however we did try a new restaurant and shoot some darts while enjoying a frosty beverage or two.

I mentioned previously that I am in the mortgage industry and this seems to be the worst place to be employed right now. My company laid off 80 people on Monday, but yours truly made the final cut and remain gainfully employed. The opportunity that I have with another company looks very promising(I have offered sexual favors to the director of operations)and I should find out if I am selected within a few weeks. If this job falls throught then I will be working Harry Hines by months end. I hope those bastards at work know that if I am laid off I will make a scene. I will throw files, push over my computer monitor and be real dramatic on my way out. And I am taking my stapler with me(Its real nice and never jams)!

Saturday, August 18, 2007

Allow me to go all Siskel and Ebert on your Ass

I saw what has to be one of the funniest movies ever last night. I highly recommend Death at a Funeral to everyone. It seems difficult to fully develop a character in 90 minutes and yet you feel like you know these people 10 minutes into the show. A highly dysfunctional British family loses their father, who had been having an affair with a little gay manipulative elf(seriously. we are talking lollipop guild). There is subtle comedy and in your face one liners that are hysterical.

After the movie we went to play pool and darts which I SPANKED daddy at(sorry honey). Once the beatdown was over, someone decided that Buffalo Wild Wings was a god idea so off we went. The place was busy and the service was good. I didn't eat, but pawpaw said the wings were good. The floor in the dining room is the type of floor that will reach up and grab your foot and make you do that stutter step half trip move. I hoped that no one saw my nearly disastrous fall but the damn hostess was staring at me and asked if I was OK when I walked by. Oh well.

We are off to go Hatch Green Chile shopping.!!!

Wednesday, August 15, 2007

Beware of Drunk Co-workers

After a very tumultuous day at work in which we had 2 meetings to explain two dramatic policy changes my group and I decided that we would meet at Twin Peaks(No.. not the TV Show..I am talking cheap Hooters wannabees)for drinks. My manager was included in the little party and she can't really hold her liquor. After 2 or 3 Red Bull and Vodkas she was explaining to me the girls at work that she suspects are lesbians and her general dislike of certain co-workers. The place is actually kind of fun and we had a cute waitress with large breasteses. After having a few frosty beverages I think I actually had a crush on one of the waitresses (and by waitress... I mean the burly daddy types sitting in the corner). Needless to say we all were operating a half speed today.

The weekend is almost here and I am excited that my BFF Dalton is coming in for a visit. I guess he is trying to escape the BUGS.,1,7640210.story?coll=chi_tab01_layout

Saturday, August 11, 2007


The first year I moved to Texas it was a mild summer with lots of rain and everything was beautiful. Then the next 3 years were the drought years and it was hotter than hell all summer long. We have been very lucky this year as we had alot of rain and have almost erased the drought conditions around the state however the REAL Dallas summer has reared it ugly head. It is going to be over 100 degrees for the next week. The entire North Texas area is under a SEVERE SWAMP ASS ADVISORY and light colored pants or shorts are not recommended.

Wednesday, August 8, 2007

imagine a beautiful flower

I am awake waaaay too early

I woke up at 5:30am when the hubby left for work. I am in no way a morning person so this is quite a new experience. What did I decide to do with all my extra time this morning? You are correct.... I did get right on the computer to look at porn.

I am really thinking about making a career change as the mortgage industry has become extremely volatile lately. Several major companies have shut their doors in the last few months and we have seen sweeping changes at my own company so confidence is not at an all time high right now.I have a telephone interview later today so y'all wish me luck. The company is in the financial services industry which is the field I have been in for the last 4 years so not a major change. The division of this company that I am hoping to work in is run by my best friend from Chicago(loser baseball team and huge rats) so there is hesitation on my part to even apply. I am sure we can maintain a strictly business relationship and everything will be just fine(yeah sponsored parties and strippers every night)

Monday, August 6, 2007


I decided to make a quick entry before heading of to La La Land. The hubbie and I went to see The Bourne Ultimatum this evening and I will have to give it a C. There was a chance for the movie to earn a B if there had been one Matt Damon shirtless scene in the whole damn movie, but no. I did realize how loud someone can be trying to fish the last few kernels of popcorn out of their nearly empty jumbo size popcorn bag(good grief..finish the damn popcorn already).

Friday, August 3, 2007

Weekly Wrap Up

Wow. Can it be that I am already burnt out after only 3 posts. Never! Ok so this week has had drama in many ways. I called in on Monday(too tired), worked Tuesday(hated it), went out for drinks with co-workers on Wednesday(loved it, and kicked ass at darts), called in on Thursday(waaay too tired) and now its finally Friday(what a long week...poor me). I was informed at 2PM that volunteers were needed to work tomorrow. I galdly(kicking and screaming) offered up my services(NO..not THOSE services) and promptly left for the day. If those bitches expect me to work on Saturday then I needed to get my drink on ASAP. The Hall of Fame game is this Sunday so its almost that time of year again. Did I mention that I love football? I will need my rest this upcoming week as my friend(you remember..the one that divorced me for deep dish pizza and gross hot dogs) will be back next weekend. OK, I promise not to go for a whole week without a post ever again.

Saturday, July 28, 2007

The return of Karen Walker

My good friend came for a visit this weekend. She was originally part of the Fantastic 4 whcih was a group of drinking, pool playing barflies which consisted of myself, the hubby, my best friend and her. She was sinced banished by the Evil Queen to live a desolate life in wonderful ABQ NM. That being my hometown I truly feel her pain and understanad why a trip back to Dallas can be so fun. The afternoon started with a quick trip to Grapevine(1hr) to pick her up. Hugs and Kisses later we are on our way to our favorite drinking establishment. Its like the Gay Cheers for us(except no cute bartender that looks like Woody). I decided to drink beer for some strange reason and she chose the always tasty Jack and Diet. Many games of pool, darts, and bad karaoke versions of our favorite songs later someone was a little buzzed(VICKIE NO> NO MORE COCKTAILS GIRL). While I live here in Dallas, Vickie lives in GP so off we go to take her home. It was so wonderful to see my Karen and I am sad she has to go back on Sunday. I finally got home after making a quick stop for a Bag of Goodness(Whataburger).

Thursday, July 26, 2007

The Laundry Fairy

My sweet hubby has the notion that every night when he falls asleep the Laundry Fairy flies through the house picking up all the dirty clothes and washes, dries folds and puts them all away. I just had to crush his dreams and tell him that all this time its been ME! I guess breaking the news about Santa will have to be next. Poor Baby! Downtown was a mess yesterday as a result of a Gas related explosion near there. People at work were saying it was the Terrorists, but it turns out that Dallas is just not that important to them and it was merely an accident. In other news our TEXAS RANGERS swept the M's in four straight games. We are only 13 games behind LA.

Tuesday, July 24, 2007

My first time(I know..breath. It will only hurt for a minute)

Ok, You all must be patient as I learn this blog stuff. I don't have any pics, vids or links right now but I will get there. Any help will be greatly appreciated! So I thought that I would put some of what the voices in my head are telling me everyday in writing. My title is Sports Nut in Dallas and that may be an understatment. I will watch anything sports related and the other half does not approve. He likes college football and thats about it. My best friends(who divorced me to move to Chicago) like sports about as much as he does so hopefully I can meet others that appreciate SEC fotball, Tennis, Basketball, NFL, NHL, MLB, MLS and NASCAR(enough acronyms!)as much as me.