I'm running out of family members and injuries

I really don't want to work anymore. I have to put on my game face for the rest of the month. My reasons are as follows... A: If I stay at home the next month until I start my new job I will go insane. My loving hubby has finally realized that the laundry fairy doesn't exist and is actually being quite helpful with the household chores so that eliminates what I would normally waste my time on. B: I will develop some sort of painful scab due to over masturbation(free time=porn). C: I have lost every member of my extended family and have broken every bone in my body over the last year(who knew that bereavment leave and short term disability was so easily dispensed). I can't call in anymore. Alas...I will just march right in there and sell mortgages like the gay loan officer that I am. Wish me luck!